Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 6, 2017

Big Break Up - Big City...How to Move On

I never realized, until a friend from New York pointed it out, that Los Angeles (LA) was a lonely place.  I personally think LA is magical and full of opportunities to reinvent yourself. I guess it's a matter of perspective.

Losangeles Skyline Mountains

You see, LA is huge and there is no central place, no downtown and very little in the way of a centralized city.  Hours upon hours are spent driving to and from locations each day. LA is made up of many smaller cities which rarely, if ever, have a center.

That creates an environment in which the city's population learns to fend for itself in terms of socializing.  LA is a car culture, where talking on cell phones, listening to music and fighting traffic over extremely long distances is standard practice. "What does that have to do with breaking up?", you ask.

Well, the fact that no one walks in LA is significant.  You can drive to a new town and engage in new hobbies.  You can change your environment as fast as you change into new clothes. In LA, breakup recovery requires two things.

How To Have A Healthy Relationship

One is a reliable car the other is music.  Luckily they both go hand in hand. LA is a music culture because we spend so much time in our cars.  We rely on music to soothe us, during intense driving.

During a breakup this is particularly helpful, since music is a key component of healing. Music helps us escape the depression of lost love.  Most cars despite their condition have, at the very least, a radio.

Today we have more music choices than ever, you will find MP3 players, CD players and satellite radios in our cars, just to name a few. Does that make breakup recovery easier in LA?

Not necessarily, since finding a new relationship is difficult in such a scattered environment.  Still, the car is a very intimate place to heal and healing is the key to new relationships.

Advice On Relationships

In a big city you commonly have big breakups.  It is easy to hide and even disappear in such an environment.  The odds of running into an X-boy or girlfriend walking on the street are extremely low in LA.  In fact, in most cases you may live in completely different cities within LA county.

That is actually a good thing because you will be given the opportunity to heal with out reminders of the person that hurt you or that you hurt.  In the big city, you can change your attitude by finding a new latitude.  This ability to change environments is a challenge. If met with success though, healing is a breeze.

Culture also plays a role in breaking up in a big city.  changing your life is simplified because one has the choice of joining so many different communities here.  You can drive anywhere and set up your social camp.

The hard part of course is meeting new people.  Big cities are a complex series of networks.  Starting with a small network and working your way into bigger networks is the key.  In Losangeles,  this is standard social decorum.

Joining a network that is well established is difficult unless someone brings you in, so you need to meet that someone first.  Creating one is difficult because everything is so spread out, so you need to join an established network.

These networks of people are not formal clubs of course, so you need to be outgoing on some level to meet its  members. Music can help you be more outgoing due to its inherent conversational quality.  Who doesn't want to talk about music in the big city?

This is the defining aspect in a breakup.  Those that are most successful in a big city breakup are usually outgoing.  Does that mean you have to be a party animal to join a new or lost network of friends?

Dating Advice For Women

No, you don't, but you cannot hide until the tears stop rolling down your face.  You need to be open to new ideas and people.  In a huge intimidating city, that becomes a challenge.  To overcome this challenge you need courage.

Courage can be fueled by the anger caused by the break up.  Yes, we are taught all of our lives to avoid anger and hide it.  That way of thinking is detrimental in a break up.  You must express your anger in healthy ways.

Music is both expressive and healthy. Find music that helps you cry and scream. This music will begin the healing process.  After that, begin your new life, using the anger as the fuel for courage.  Anger will motivate you to meet new people.

Do not give into depression. Give into music, driving, friends and family.  The big city can be conquered, but you need the essential tools.  Surviving a break up in LA requires a car and great music.